Now as a mother I now know there comes a time when you have to take a step back and re-access the nature of you and your adult daughter’s relationship, you really have.
I have just recently done exactly that and it really was an eye-opener that I’d love to share with my readers:
So last year my daughter came to live with me after 12 years of silence, a bad relationship and virtually nowhere to go. As a child, she was hard headed and gave me problems during her childhood school years. But as a parent I made plenty of my own mistakes. Anyway, with the agreement that she would carry herself as a grown woman and be responsible in all her actions and not get distracted with a relationship. Which would leave her being self-sufficient. Now for the past year-and-a-half I have struggled with trying to intervene and prevent her from making mistakes and at the same time somehow Shield her from many elements that I myself was exposed to when I was growing up. She has in fact moved a guy in she met on the Internet, is trying to get pregnant and started to just go back on our verbal agreements.
I recently realized that as a parent I have been trying two more or less tell her what she needed to do and how she needed to do it but the fact is it at 27 years old she is a grown woman and no longer needs a mother who is going to continually stand over her and point out every mistake that she is about to make or criticize the decisions that she makes. I do understand that as a parent I do not have to always agree with my daughters decisions, like her as an individual or like the things she does. But as she is a grown woman, I do however have to respect her if I expect to have a relationship with my daughter. When I reanalyzed our relationship I realized that I am on the verge of losing her and not enjoying a gratifying relationship with the child that I have always wanted.
I Now understand as a mother I have to understand that my daughter is no longer my little girl and that she is in fact a grown woman with a child of her own and that if I expect to have any type of relationship with her I need to back off and simply let her make those mistakes and learn from them hopefully and not necessarily be so quick to make judgement or to criticize her and simply let her be the woman she wants to be and just be supportive and always be there to catch her if she falls.
It isn’t easy as a mother to realize that your baby is no longer a baby and is in fact another adult and that if you do not let them be adults you are invading their space and either intimidating them or at least making them feel uncomfortable.
We mean well and want the best for our child. But at some point you have to accept that they are not longer children, but adults. Thus, leave them alone and just enjoy having them or risk chasing them out of your life.