Started with a bam and finished with a bang!

It’s been some time since I’ve been up to writing due to the tremendous amount of stress that I have been dealing with because of being too far in debt in the home, that I myself on disability cannot afford to maintain and with other people that live here misappropriating funds this doesn’t help.

I’m almost ashamed of starting a “go fund me” there’s so many scams there’s so many people out asking for money and really good causes but I told myself that there is nothing wrong with trying it out and failing than  even try it at all.

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I wish I could honestly say things have been better but in all reality my life has always been a mess. Started as a child, victim of abuse and then continually escalated. And at some point we all make our own choices and do us!

I’ve managed in the three years being divorced to get the whole drinking and pills out of my system once and for all.

And have learned all sorta of new things like communication, confronted my drinking and pills. Controlling my temper, humility.

But at the end of the day I’m still empty and lonely inside. Kind of hard to put in words.

I just know something has got to give and soon.

Just when you think everything is warm and cozy…….

They’re not, Apparently things are not as they should be.

Just when I think things are finally running the way they should be yet again another mind fuck rent being behind and not paid now that my sisters card expired and were waiting for a new one since she failed to let the ssi  know she no p.o. box anymore, and got sentback. the sewage which is in the owner’s name just got a notice of lein against his property, god damn I’m so fucked.

It’s really gotten to the point where I’m about to leave I don’t want to be in this house anymore because it consists a very inconsiderate irresponsible people that do not know what loyalty is.

I get so fucking tired of people telling me you look so nice you look great yeah I’m 56 I look good but I feel like fuck.

 

img_20180605_1117552068423684.jpgNow if I could mentally and emotionally feel half as good as I look at 56 years old then I think I’d have the whole game licked but I don’t. I know you see a buy me a coffee on my site and honestly it’s going to take more than a cup of coffee to get me out of this financial fucking mess. I can do a go fund me but been there done that and I’m not enough social media to be able to get my message across so I’ll just sit here not figured the god damn thing out myself one way or the other. but  looking good is one thing, feeling good is a totally a different thing.

 

Sometimes the feeling is so overwhelming that life is just unbearable. Sure I enjoy living I enjoy life but when every day is filled with drama what the fuck is the point to continue getting up every day only to face another hurdle I’m fucking tired.