Seems like I’ve fallen off the face of the Earth and just all of a sudden disappeared. I had to take some time to actually deal with the real time, real life events that were taking place.
November 25th is right around the corner which marks the third year since I have laid eyes on my ex-husband and a lot of changes have taken place.
He once told me that I would never make it without him and that he saved my life, although he was a stepping stone in the early years, but as time went on he began to destroy my life and bring me down along with himself and that’s during the time there was no way out because he wouldn’t let me out.
But three years later I am happy to say that I haven’t spent it in vain I don’t look at myself as a victim, nor as a survivor, I look at myself as a person who has discovered a lot about myself through the abuse. for the first time in my life reality has finally set in I’ve realized it was time to grow up. I have spent these three years working out many issues that were out of control in my life and have been for four and a half decades. I have had to deal with insecurity after numerous bad relationships, my anger and communication skills, alcohol, but more importantly the misappropriation of the money and the bills not being paid. I had to deal with the owner as they were about ready to put a lien on the property for sewage being unpaid, I tried a GoFundMe, but it didn’t make a buck, go figure.
But I managed to find responsible parties to manage the bills here at the house so that has been taken care of. we’re a little behind still on the bills but we’re catching up. Also I am very happy to be able to say that my daughter and I have really gotten close and have began an adult relationship something that her and I have never had, have never developed, have never experienced and this is the first for this as well. I needed to realize that my baby is 28 years old along with my grandson who is 11 and she is on the verge of being married. My mothering days are over now I can just enjoy a relationship with my daughter and be a part of their lives but not hover and not try to play Mommy the stress of it all has had me smoking a pack a day but mentally I’m stable I’m at ease and filled with anticipation of getting my personal bills paid off.
It’s really hard to actually blog and live your life, for me anyway that’s seems to have been the experience. It’s kind of overwhelming to remember those that are following you, those that are waiting to hear from you and at the same time handle and deal with stress and issues that go on. but I’m sure we all understand that.
Also one family of 6 actually finally moved out and it’s been easier to actually make it to the restroom as well as helping to get the bills back down and off the payment agreement with the electricity soon. In spite of what was done to me and several years with the money being misappropriated I’ve chosen to move on, giving full responsibility to her granddaughter who will manage her funds now that she is aging and no longer able to. this has proven to be very effective and has actually cut us some slack with the owner because he’s impressed with the bills being paid on time that he is dropped a lot of the fees that we had owed.
Nobody said it would be easy but I’m not a quitter I don’t give up on things that I believe in, in regards to respect consideration integrity. It’s taken most of my mental energy, a lot of mixed feelings and forgetting too many times for very simple tasks ( scary ) but after all, I am, just another gal!