Started with a bam and finished with a bang!

It’s been some time since I’ve been up to writing due to the tremendous amount of stress that I have been dealing with because of being too far in debt in the home, that I myself on disability cannot afford to maintain and with other people that live here misappropriating funds this doesn’t help.

I’m almost ashamed of starting a “go fund me” there’s so many scams there’s so many people out asking for money and really good causes but I told myself that there is nothing wrong with trying it out and failing than  even try it at all.

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I wish I could honestly say things have been better but in all reality my life has always been a mess. Started as a child, victim of abuse and then continually escalated. And at some point we all make our own choices and do us!

I’ve managed in the three years being divorced to get the whole drinking and pills out of my system once and for all.

And have learned all sorta of new things like communication, confronted my drinking and pills. Controlling my temper, humility.

But at the end of the day I’m still empty and lonely inside. Kind of hard to put in words.

I just know something has got to give and soon.

Just when you think everything is warm and cozy…….

They’re not, Apparently things are not as they should be.

Just when I think things are finally running the way they should be yet again another mind fuck rent being behind and not paid now that my sisters card expired and were waiting for a new one since she failed to let the ssi  know she no p.o. box anymore, and got sentback. the sewage which is in the owner’s name just got a notice of lein against his property, god damn I’m so fucked.

It’s really gotten to the point where I’m about to leave I don’t want to be in this house anymore because it consists a very inconsiderate irresponsible people that do not know what loyalty is.

I get so fucking tired of people telling me you look so nice you look great yeah I’m 56 I look good but I feel like fuck.

 

img_20180605_1117552068423684.jpgNow if I could mentally and emotionally feel half as good as I look at 56 years old then I think I’d have the whole game licked but I don’t. I know you see a buy me a coffee on my site and honestly it’s going to take more than a cup of coffee to get me out of this financial fucking mess. I can do a go fund me but been there done that and I’m not enough social media to be able to get my message across so I’ll just sit here not figured the god damn thing out myself one way or the other. but  looking good is one thing, feeling good is a totally a different thing.

 

Sometimes the feeling is so overwhelming that life is just unbearable. Sure I enjoy living I enjoy life but when every day is filled with drama what the fuck is the point to continue getting up every day only to face another hurdle I’m fucking tired.

Haven’t fallen of the earth yet….

Its been a trying time for me this last month. I was bit with a ride awakening to the fact that a person whom I entrusted to handle bills has continually misappropriated money and has not paid bills for months at a time.

I was definitely almost to an irrecoverable state.

I’ve had to resort to removing her from the lease to stop her bad decisions with the owner of our property we lease.

Its horrible to put so much trust on an individual only to be literally shit on. Rent is also back up to a grand a month until we are caught up again! Thanks to her decision to use our rent money on an iTunes card scam. Damn it! No its not because I’m trans, lol life’s just a bitch!

I think it’s time

I think I finally have made it to the point after almost three years picking up pieces of my life, to be able to confidently say that I am genuinely, really happy now. This life of mine has taken many shapes and forms.

I began writing this about three weeks ago and decided to put it on hold in lieu of everything that has taken place in a matter of weeks. I recently found out that my sister-in-law has been misappropriating funds and that bills were not being paid,  something that has happened for quite some time, and then it went as far as the rent not being paid, which jacked us back up to 1000.00 a month instead of 750.00.so there was kind of a fall out here between her and I and I kind of had to make some changes regarding the payment of bills and who would have control over certain monies and I think we’re on the right track now but wow, I mean I’m so happy and and really do like the transition and everything that has taken place. My daughter is currently remodeling next door and has managed to get the ceilings up and it painted. So she’s ending up with a pretty good decent little room down there with her own bedroom as well as her bedroom for her son she’s came along way and she’s doing great.

I know I came to a dead Halt with my writing but as life goes on sometimes there are just distractions that prevent me from Actually taking the time to write something that would have any positive or any type of a message that would benefit anybody that reads it anyway however I think I’m back I think I’ll tell you about my baby’s that are growing so big.

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Easy decisions, Maybe yes…

Well, today is a day that I think that the pedal finally has hit the metal. As some readers may know the battle with my adult daughter has been a constant distraction in my life as a disruption to the other tenants that reside here at this property. As I previously stated her and I had agreements that she has not stuck to and even tries to blame me for the same thing. She has changed her mind about her living arrangements so many times and has completely gone against everything I tried to tell her to prevent this debt she has managed to accumulate. But to no avail, your child sometimes always almost knows more than you.

©2018 justanothergal.org

Some history, This a daughter that grew up with both a trans mother and father and fully understood and accepted it at the age of 7. BUT, She also grew up hearing her Mother screaming about not wanting children and that it was my kid, my responsibility, etc. So I did it, went to work, came home and tended to my daughter and even made dinner and cleaned the house. All while she /he laid in the unmade bed all day with one hand in her sweats and the other with the TV remote in her hand. AND, she still favored him over me and neither one of us were any better of a parent when she was a child, only I accepted the responsibility of my daughter and she didn’t.

When she asked to come home it was after 12 years of silence and not a word from her. She didn’t want anything to do with me and made it clear. But when she called and asked to come home I let her, along with a few agreements, in which she has broken every one of them.

UPDATE:

We have managed to reach an amicable agreement. The family of Six moved to their new house, now we’re down to only 9 of us here in the house. My daughter had already moved down here in the basement and is going to build her apt like my ex and I did on this side. And has decided to stay here and confront her demons and grow up.

So at the end of the day, I can say that I am actually happy.

A mothers confession.

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©2018, justanothergal.org

Now as a mother I now know there comes a time when you have to take a step back and re-access the nature of you and your adult daughter’s relationship, you really have.

I have just recently done exactly that and it really was an eye-opener that I’d love to share with my readers:

So last year my daughter came to live with me after 12 years of silence, a bad relationship and virtually nowhere to go. As a child, she was hard headed and gave me problems during her childhood school years. But as a parent I made plenty of my own mistakes. Anyway, with the agreement that she would carry herself as a grown woman and be responsible in all her actions and not get distracted with a relationship.  Which would leave her being self-sufficient. Now for the past year-and-a-half I have struggled with trying to intervene and prevent her from making mistakes and at the same time somehow Shield her from many elements that I myself was exposed to when I was growing up. She has in fact moved a guy in she met on the Internet, is trying to get pregnant  and started to just go back on our verbal agreements.

I recently realized that as a parent I have been trying two more or less tell her what she needed to do and how she needed to do it but the fact is it at 27 years old she is a grown woman and no longer needs a mother who is going to continually stand over her and point out every mistake that she is about to make or criticize the decisions that she makes. I do understand that as a parent I do not have to always agree with my daughters decisions, like her as an individual or like the things she does. But as she is a grown woman, I do however have to respect her if I expect to have a relationship with my daughter. When I reanalyzed our relationship I realized that I am on the verge of losing her and not enjoying a gratifying relationship with the child that I have always wanted.

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© justanothergal.org

I Now understand as a mother I have to understand that my daughter is no longer my little girl and that she is in fact a grown woman with a child of her own and that if I expect to have any type of relationship with her I need to back off and simply let her make those mistakes and learn from them hopefully and not necessarily be so quick to make judgement or to criticize her and simply let her be the woman she wants to be and just be supportive and always be there to catch her if she falls.

It isn’t easy as a mother to realize that your baby is no longer a baby and is in fact another adult and that if you do not let them be adults you are invading their space and either intimidating them or at least making them feel uncomfortable.

We mean well and want the best for our child. But at some point you have to accept that they are not longer children, but adults. Thus, leave them alone and just enjoy having them or risk chasing them out of your life.

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The *Liebster Award* is about spreading recognition and love amongst fellow bloggers!

I have exciting news to share, I’ve been nominated for The Liebster Award! By everydayanomalyblog. Please go check out their blog. From what I have read this award is for small blogs in order to build community, gain recognition and simply to spread some joy throughout the blogosphere.

My original plan for my blog
was to share my rants and raves along with my life experience’s which would hopefully help others in one way or another. I’ve tried social media on many occasions and it just hasn’t worked for me. I think that this type of forum is right for me and my intent.

Here are the rules:

1. Acknowledge the blogger who nominated you and display the award logo.
2. Answer 11 questions that the blogger gives you.
3. Nominate 11 blogs that you think are deserving of the award.
4. Create 11 questions for your nominees to answer.
5. Let the bloggers know of their nomination!

Here are my answers to everydayanomalyblog’s questions:

1. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would you have a good chance at winning a medal for?

A. Talking

2. Do you have a favourite book?

A. A stone for danny fisher by Harold robbins

3. When people come to you for help, what do they usually want help with?

A. Hit the electrical breaker

4. If you could make one rule that everyone had to follow, what would that rule be?

A. Respect diversity

5. What’s something that you are self conscious about?

A. Getting older

6. Are you a morning person or a night person?

A. A nite person

7. What was your first job?

A. McDonald’s

8. Coffee or tea?

A. Coffee

9. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?

A. Ancient rome

10. Are you a cat person or a dog person?

A. Cat

11. What are three positive attributes of yourself?

Genuine, Caring and Respectful

 

And finally…… My Nominees:

clareflourish

joypassiondesire

Sandra Lopes

Eilers Pizza

newpersonsameoldmistakesblog

Daniella Argento

Betsys words to the wise

Southern Acts 

Dark kat

Whimsywriter

Heretics Mind

My 11 questions are:

1. If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?

2. What is your most valued keepsake?

3. What makes a real man or woman?

4. Your biggest pet peeve?

5. Do you think all negatives have a positive somewhere?

6. Is it Black and White or simply Gray?

7. Favorite comfort food?

8. Is music universal?

9. What is love in your own words?

10. Whats most important in life?

11. What’s the best childhood memory you have?