Getting old sucks!

As many know, these past three and a half years have been spent cleaning up. Getting rid of people that were only causing bills to increase and/our didn’t work. As well as people that didn’t want to participate in the general responsibilities of the property. I am proud to say that the property’s overall appearance have made a 180 %.

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After three and a half years i can see the mad progress that has been made with all my effort and hard work. As well as the support of a loving man that has really changed my life for all the right reasons.

During this transition there have been many realizations, discoveries and much thought on my age. I admit that i do see the age setting in subtly. My eye sight isn’t getting any better. Already wear bifocals and just recently found out i have several cataracts in both eyes. I’m going on close to a year of no alcohol at all and my function tests are considerably lower and i feel some what better.

Now the sciatica issue doesn’t seem to be getting any better with every year that passes. Talk about constant pain. Yuk! So, in a nutshell, the realization that you are getting old doesn’t feel very well and takes some getting use to.

It’s really one thing to look good and it’s totally the other side of the spectrum when how you feel comes in to question. Which is basically every fucking morning these days. Divorce did manage to shed a few pounds that I didn’t need. Takes a good 20 minutes just to decide if i feel well or not.

Life has really slowed down and looking good really doesn’t seem to matter when most of your time is spent at home and/or in your room.

Yep, it’s definitely given me the time to think about my life and consider change. It’s given me desire to set more goals to fulfill and it made me more aware of how I act and treat others around me.

I’ve basically been given a new life. No, it’s not filled with excitement, youth or wealth. But it sure has plenty of peace and quiet and time to rest.

Being “just another gal” is what it is. Transgender doesn’t have any relevance in the topic.

Late!

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One more thing that keeps me wondering.

When a person opens their mouth to speak and one listens. Why is it that the average person will walk away and never give that statement a chance.

His actions will never produce what his mouth confessed. Why is this?

I often wonder if people realize they constantly boast, brag and make promises that they never produce with a solid action.

Are most humans this shallow or narrow-minded to think that nobody’s paying any attention to what comes out of one’s mouth as well as actions that are either carried out or not. Why?

According to: https://timemanagementninja.com

“Do you have something you need to do?

Something you have been talking about for a long time?

Why haven’t you done it?

We all like to talk about what we are going to do.

Yet, when it comes to the doing part… we fall short.

We put it off. We hesitate. We come up with excuses.

This is especially true when it comes to our goals and dreams.

Why do we talk, instead of do?

Talking vs. Doing

I recently had a friend ask me about this blog.

“Oh, I could do that.”

“Do what?”

“You know, the blogging thing. I could do that. I have a few ideas. I could make a blog.”

Trying to be supportive, I said, “OK, why don’t you do it then?”

The excuses started flowing… like a fire hose.

“Oh well, you know… I don’t have the time. I haven’t gotten around to it. Actually, it’s not worth my time.”

There is a big difference between saying and doing.

Confusing Activity and Action

Many people think that if they just talk long enough about their dreams, that they will come true.

I guess they think that their goals will just magically happen.

They are confusing activity vs. action.

“Going through the motions of blabbing about your goals is much different that putting that first foot forward and stepping towards your goals.”

Another friend has wanted to write a book for a long time.

My advice is to do it. Don’t make excuses. Don’t put it off.

Just do. Not tomorrow. Today.

Don’t Say It, Just Do

Put your actions where you mouth is.

It doesn’t matter whether you are talking about a project, a hobby, a relationship, or getting in shape.

Don’t talk… do.

Don’t complain… do.

Don’t make excuses… do.

The power is in the doing, not in the talking.

What have you been talking about that you need to be doing?”

Setting the record straight!

Let’s set the record straight for the haters. Recently had my hormonal levels checked to see just where I was at in regards to the woman that I am.

Evergreen Family Medicine
Results:

Patient Name: Mona Rios
Date of Birth: 05/03/1962

ESTRADIOL 02/11/2019 (#14656237, Final, 02/08/2019 8:12am)

Note to Patient Hormone levels are appropriate
Report Result Ref. Range Units Status Lab
ESTRADIOL 145.6 . pg/mL Normal Final
Adult Female:
Follicular phase 12.5 – 166.0
Ovulation phase 85.8 – 498.0
Luteal phase 43.8 – 211.0
Postmenopausal <6.0 – 54.7
Pregnancy
1st trimester 215.0 – >4300.0
Girls (1-10 years) 6.0 – 27.0
Roche ECLIA methodology
Performed at: SE – LabCorp Seattle
550 17th Avenue Ste 300, Seattle, WA 981225789
Lab Director: Daniel Toweill MD, Phone: 2068617000
Copies To:

Test referred from Mercy Medical Center Laboratory Roseburg, OR 97471

Viewing Mona Rios

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So, do your research ladies before you put someone down. You shave your legs and underarms. I don’t! Hormones! Haters. At 57 I’m still not at the level of menopause for testosterone. So who’s the women…..science versus ignorance at it’s best.

“According to levels I’m either ovulating it in my first trimester”….lol women!

The daze of my life…..

Well shit, it’s just another day just like yesterday. Complete with its very own mind fucks of the day. I really just wish I could find a happy medium and stay right there. You’d think that finally finding sobriety, getting rid of the trashy people in my home, catching up on the bills and moving on…. Being in control of my impulses, handling responsibility and being respectful…..But!

Shit, always the BUT word! Always has to come up and ruin things..

But after three years with my boyfriend I’m feeling like the thrill is gone for him. Kind of like I’m always chasing him and never catching him, or maybe he’s running from me. Am I getting too serious for his comfort. I wish I knew how to simply turn my thoughts off so I could enjoy life a little before my old ass dies. Sure, he’s reassured me he loves me and is happy with our relationship. But I just can’t shake the feelings…. after all, I should know if I’m really happy or not right? ….WRONG!….

Maybe it’s the self destruction coming back, grasping at a straw to sabotage something good in my life for once.

I’d honestly rather be alone than constantly feel these feelings I feel. I think I am strong enough now to make it on my own. No I don’t want to hurt him, but don’t want to hurt either. Sometimes I feel like I’m begging him to give me the bad news, answer I want to hear. But I don’t. I want to be loved. He makes me feel complete and happy. But I don’t want to need him. I don’t want to be co-dependent…..? God, I’m really fucked up and can’t seem to keep one set emotion for an entire day. Having zero testosterone could be the real monster in the shadows… wish I really had a clue…

Just another gal